Scriptum in Stellam

As written in the star

At the Darkest Hour


Tears rolled down before I even felt the pain in my heart. Stunned for words, it hit me off guard. Nowhere near to comprehension, bubbling anger took over as I felt the urge to cause harm anyway possible. Unable to contain the overwhelming emotion, I broke down and sobbed into my hands as he watched with a wounded expression.

I knew it hurt him to hurt me. I knew it pained him to watch me in pieces. I knew he’d want me in his arms and soothe the ache away. I knew it broke him just as much. The knowledge did not however, did any help lessening the agony I was feeling.

I trusted him with the most precious and delicate possession I have, I gave him my heart.

They say at the darkest hour of the night, dawn is not far away. I felt as if dawn was never coming. For the first time, I understood why people have suicidal thoughts. I understood the urge to injure one self. I understood the burning desire to strike back and inflict misery upon all, to see the fear and regret on their faces, to feel the satisfaction of sweet revenge. So close… so close to losing me.

The pull of Pitch Black was strong, the Light of Truth was my anchor.

I questioned, I rejected. I felt Him grieving for my pain, reaching out to comfort me. I shunned Him off in anger. For many sleepless nights, I plotted my revenge. I knew He was saddened. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. I was sick of doing the right thing. He never left me, even at the brink of falling off cliff.

“It is not the right thing to do, and to love your enemies as yourself I would say. But do you know why it troubles Me? Because you’ll only end up hurting yourself, more than anyone else. And THAT, is My main concern. I want to heal you, I want to shield you, I want to guide you. I want to love you. Let Me… “

He saved me. I fell in love with Him again that day.

Returning to singlehood again after 6 years, I’m learning to enjoy this newfound relationship with Him. To fall in love with Him more, to relish the little things He does for me every day. To recognize Him in the people I meet, knowing that He sent them cross my paths to make my day. One day when I am ready, I know there will be this someone whose center I can see Him. Together, He will be the center of our lives.


3 comments on “At the Darkest Hour

  1. Pingback: Expression and the Art of Letting Go | The Seeker's Dungeon

  2. Pingback: Weekly Writing Challenge: Fit to Write? | alienorajt

  3. tlllastar
    August 20, 2013

    Thanks for the pingback. =)

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This entry was posted on August 15, 2013 by in the Gift and tagged , , .
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